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"The eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had ordered them. When they saw him, they worshiped, but they doubted."
-Matthew 28:16-17 (New American Bible (Revised Edition))
Take note of the scripture above. Does anything look peculiar? Eleven instead of twelve disciples? If there were eleven disciples, this means that Judas Iscariot was out of the picture by this time... they worshiped, but doubted... the DISCIPLES doubted??? Jesus' closest friends?? Doubted Jesus? So this was after the resurrection, after they had seen and spoke with and touched and ate meals with Jesus?
You would think that after all of the miracles and everything else they had witnessed, their faith would be sight by now, and HOW could the disciples (of all people) doubt Jesus? What does this mean for you and me, who have not been first-hand witnesses of the Son of God? Why do we expect ourselves to have no doubt?
I don't remember my infant baptism, but I remember my Lutheran confirmation. I had completed 3 years of weekly classes (think doubIe Sunday School with homework!!). I was fourteen, having a really bad hair day, the stark white robe did nothing for my complexion, and I once had all the pictures to prove it. I publicly renounced the devil, and all his works, and all his ways, and to use non-Lutheran terms, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, even though I'd been saying the words in church ever since I could talk. I also vividly remember later that afternoon when I was alone, after all of the festivities in church and the big family dinner (confirmation was a HUGE deal in my family), I sat in my room looking over all of the gifts, prayer books, crosses, and cards I had received, and I remember thinking... I just got all of this stuff, and people have said all of these things to me... but do I really REALLY believe? And THAT was really weird, because so far, it is the only time in my life I can remember feeling that way.
Well now I feel better, now that I know Jesus' very own disciples doubted too!! And confirmation is just the beginning of a closer walk with God. We can rest knowing that God understands every doubt that we face and gives us grace to talk through those doubts. And when we do, God draws us closer, and we are reminded that we are never alone on this journey.
So join us online or in the parking lot this Confirmation Sunday, reaffirm your faith with the confirmands, bring your doubts with you, and let's worship together!
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