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When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my lambs.” A second time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Tend my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter felt hurt because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” And he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.
-John 21:15-17
Like many of you, I read and watch and listen to countless sources of educational information. I follow several scientists and educators on TikTok. It was one such person who pointed me to a study about relationships. A researcher observed the guests of a bed and breakfast for some years. He observed their behavior and which behaviors seemed to correlate to the longevity of a couple. The highest correlation was couples with a high frequency of accepted “bids” for affection. In other words, when one person in a couple asked for the attention of their partner, and the partner responded by taking notice or affirming them.
What does a bid for attention look like? “Oh look at that beautiful bird!” Some partners ignored the bid entirely. Some looked and nodded. Others stopped what they were doing and affirmed, “Yes indeed! What a beautiful bird!” The couples that did this well were far more likely to remain together and have a strong relationship. As believers, we know two things... firstly, strong relationships with our families are one of the ways we model love for the world. Secondly, our most important relationship is with God. Therefore, practicing this skill with our loved ones can help us grow closer to God. And vice versa.
How often does God make a bid for our attention? Perhaps in the beauty of a bird or a sunset. Maybe in the outstretched hand of someone homeless or a small child in need of attention. It could be in an environmental problem or social injustice that you can fix with your time, your talents, your willingness to do something, or follow a guideline unimportant to you but vital to someone else, or even your vote. And sometimes, it’s an opportunity simply to be civil or kind when no one else is. The most spectacular bid God has ever made for our love was the sacrifice on the cross.
We spend this weekend reflecting on that deep and unconditional love. And we can show our love for God and our family by worshipping God together and telling the story once more. This week, look for “bids” for your love, focus, and attention. It may be a loved one, a stranger, or the Lord. If you return it, you’ll likely find yourself growing in new ways. And I’ll see you on Easter!
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